Why do I bother with the religious stuff when I'm not religious?

Because everyone is a tree that is growing uniquely and wonders about the same things I've wondered about, I figured I'd share it. My story is my own. If I wrote it or if you saw what I had here before, you'd think I'm angry and doing this out of spite.

Parts of me were really angry, yes. However, the bigger part of me was having a fun time exploring and learning and really enjoying what became my passion and what I wish I knew I would have as a passion while younger so I would have been able to go to school for it with a brain that still had room for it all!

Instead, I took the time to do this on my own time and route. I surprised myself with how far I dug in and took something seriously and felt, finally...useful. Smart. Something I was never sure about or felt I was or could be.

I do not want to become a person who drills things into you from anger; I want to be a source of information that you can slowly sit with and digest on your own terms. Though, I do know how difficult it is to start and to know where to even start. But most of all, I don't want to speed up someone's deconstruction and make them end up extremely hopeless. So, I'm setting my story aside: 1, to let go of that ego part of me that was angry, and 2, because it's not that big of a deal. It's not that important when I see other people go through the thick of it, and I want to be on the other side of it. I don't want others to think I think I'm better than them. I want others to feel like I might be someone who understands and won't judge them for what they're going through. I want to be good. I don't want my story to be the reason I couldn't hold onto what's good in me to help others.

When you read on to my other blog posts, these were written at a time when I was in the shoes of a "Bible-based believer." My beliefs have changed quite a bit. I couldn't put a label on it for you and would prefer not to, but during this research, I did honestly come from a perspective of believing in this God Yahweh of the Bible, and what the Messiah "said" and his apostles "documented." So I hope this helps believers who are wanting to understand what they may also be seeing in their congregations when it differs from what they've seen here and there from their own research but don't feel smart enough, or they feel alone in this. I thought I should clear that up because strangers may see me today and think I'm fooling people when I say I'm not your average "Christian," but I love ancient literature, I love studying or hearing about why we "believe" in anything and the history of it, and I love spirituality. Yet I understand some will see my notes under the verses or deep research and feel betrayed. This is just a record of my research in that chapter of my life. But I also want others that may be just as passionate as I was during it to relate to me then, but not feel scared that the rug might be pulled from underneath you.

And because of that, I highly recommend a professional I ran into who is exactly what I wish I could be with my journey, headspace, time, and sanity in my everyday life! She's awesome, has done a lot of research, and if you find yourself where I slammed down, she can help you lift back up with hope. I'll drop her below, and I do hope my research wasn't too offensive. I'm going through it all currently and re-editing it so it's not too crazy.

Her Website:

https://nononsensespirituality.com/

I look at it as, I'm just a ghost ship in the sea of life you might find and explore to see if I have any long-lost treasure, I guess. Good luck on your journey, friends.

Much love,

Chels