My thoughts and conclusion

Well, I tried to keep my opinion and own personal beliefs out of my notes on this site. I do have them still though, of course, and perhaps people are wondering where I stand at all.

I stand with no one. Not as a power trip, but that's literally the conclusion after researching the fruits of many main denominations and how they fail at being qualified based off the bible they claim to follow. When you are in one of them (any of them), on the outside it's black and white, but once you are a part of any congregation, all of a sudden, it's grey. I just can't take it. The 'us versus them' mentality goes against the Bible if you were to believe in any of its authority, and that too I have questioned, and unfortunately, it wasn't pretty.

I did that research on "Christianity" as a whole, and now I have nothing to say, I no longer have a horse in this race. Everyone to me, believing God is the Bible, and not researching the difference of Masoretic Text, its roots and source, compared to the Greek Septuagint, is no longer in the same talking points with me. I'm not better at all, I understand you have to wade through masses of info to even hear about such thing; it's just... I'll be debating something I no longer believe and see as misleading the nations. I'm not "Bible-based" no longer; I do not worship the Bible (never did), I worship the highest God. I didn't need a Bible to believe. Through this I've seen people mix the two in bad ways. I heard what Jesus may have said, and for the most part, I agree on what he may have said, especially the part where he told the Pharisee Jews their father was the father of lies since the very beginning. I don't think he was messing around there, but I think who Jesus actually is has been torn apart and taken out of context beyond discernment for 2 thousand years. I think any conversation with someone who says they're Bible-based is no longer something I should be involved with. I've looked behind the curtain, discerned the people that have pointed this out and their motives, which the ones I've come to listen to that have challenged my own beliefs, have done nothing but researched with passion and done it in love to try and share what they are seeing so we can pull out of the grasp of powerful men the bible warns of. Whom "Christian Bible scholars" that get the spotlight and trust, have put back under the rug and have this annual meeting to shut it down if it doesn't sell with the masses. Yes, I'm saying it's all lies. Trust me, I didn't want it to be, but I'm not surprised.

This is what I figured before I started my research, and I wanted to see if I was wrong or not, and in many ways, I was wrong... but unfortunately, I wasn't too far off ( I truly don't see this as a "you saw what you wanted to see" because I really wanted to see I was wrong, why wouldn't I?). But thankfully I believed without needing men to tell me how to, or a book to show me written by many authors and interpreted and reinterpreted over and over in different ways, masked with built up doctrine to try and prove it is THEE word of God they can't even follow themselves. I believe our own body and soul know deep down who we are connected to, and what is wrong and what is right, and what is good and what is evil. Such as, our "hearts will have it written". If we want to think for ourselves for once, I believe you are one step closer to the Maker who made you capable of doing so, rather than being dominated by a person/s that thinks they know what you need best, usually to serve themselves and to make themselves into gods by calling themselves chosen in any fashion or form. You can't get around it no matter what wordplay is used if you have followers in general. They are banking on the fact that no one does their research, and when they do, they are hoping you'll get lost in discerning what is actually true or not and that you'll be too scared of the lash back if you speak out. So, in that conclusion, my belief now is, if anyone says they "have absolute truth"... run. That and have the humility to humble yourselves to know, you'll probably never find it, so don't even think you've found it. When I think it in that way, that might actually be the entire bibles message, or at least Jesus's, really. On top of that, that religion is made for people that need to be told what to do, a mass co-dependency.

I studied for 5 years (not counting at least a decade of other religious beliefs before, just the "Bible"), 8-10 hours a day, 6 days a week, on multiple Masoretic text-based Bibles, to realize... it's most likely not the truth (the book itself). I checked the verses with the Hebrew and Greek, saw people altering, and realized what they were altering was already altered. Once I realized only 1 or 2 Bibles use Greek Septuagint and that it has irrefutable proof of being more legit than the Masoretic, which all the rest of the translations are based off of, I quit. To study that scripture (which is only a copy of the original Hebrew, that is unrecognizable to the "Hebrew" people think is true today), I'm going to have to put in this same and much more effort to study it to see if it's even true as well. Though now it's so long gone and hidden, how would we know anything else about it, and then commit to it in trusting it, after the betrayal of what's been used since 325 A.D.? We can't, other than that's the scripture with the backing of multiple early historians, the apostles quoting from it directly, the Dead Sea Scrolls and the census of bible scholars. Not to mention... who else is doing that? Who the hell do I talk to? Critical Bible scholars, at the very least, yet I'm not professional like them, I'm just your average stay-at-home mom with chores and responsibilities that has an interest in mythology, religion, psychology, sociology, spirituality and I'm not getting paid nor have the time to enter school to be paid, nor have the want to have those jobs anyway. It's pointless.

It all seems to be a lie to keep the "us versus them" mentality and to be on the "right side" of things when really, the religion part of history has been the worst side with genocide by fear of the people on the "outside" and botching scripture to give them their justified reasons to hate so much. I'd say, even the Bible they base their beliefs on speaks against that... yet there is the contradiction of the Old Testament with Yahweh that does not. Here I'm honest with myself to not be offended toward that. I think if Jesus (who I do believe was a real man because even the atheistic scholars agree so because of the impact 2k years later he has, thought we don't 100% even know his real name) was speaking truth, if those were indeed his words which some are, then he knew this too and was telling the Jews to knock it off. But people who say they follow Jesus adopted who they (the Jews) believed, so here we are. I paid attention to that part, and so do a lot of others that get scapegoated for standing up for those words when they point out the hypocrisy of Christianity out as a whole and how this religion began, all the way back to Moses's time.

I do believe there are very few, that people don't know about and can count on one hand, little churches out there capable of not falling into this trap. Yet even still, they are reading from The Masoretic. Even so they are nice enough and make sure their home is stable (as in congregation) and do their best to live doing everything in love. Who also don't shy away from some of the hard stuff that is hard to hear from critical Bible scholars that have been brought up and can't be denied. Very few. I just think you can't experience God's freedom, unless you can be honest with yourself, even if it's incredibly difficult and feels like your heart dropped to the core of the earth when you face that trial of deconstruction as you learn the truth of how it was all built up for us to believe. Because of that difficulty and life shattering moment of realization, I see why people have to pick these places/religions. I see why, and I don't want to mess with them anymore. But I still stay away from people like them as soon as I hear any "us versus them" mentality, or doomsday, or thinking someone here on earth is anyone's savior, etc., etc., etc. I also do not need anyone making choices for me when I've read the Bible myself over and over, and it says stay away from people like so. I think it's written on our hearts to be able to make our own choices for this purpose as I've stated before.

I will tell you one thing: to realize the world's condition, that everything's damn near a cult, especially religion, or whatever is turned to religion such as politics/LGBTstuff... and to understand no one has absolute "truth" and or doing it right... to understand the corruption... to read the history and follow the blood and money and politics of that, and to see what's happening today, I found peace! I don't need anyone else but my little family. I don't need to worry, I can stay out of it, outside of the camps of it all. Even from seeking the approval of religious family. I am free of the men/women that hold power over others, by standing away from the Bible itself that everyone in churchianity says is God because of the scriptures which men have altered. Oddly, because I've read it for myself, and learned this from its own pages. Trust me when I say, I'm still confused too, and I do not have all the answers.

I am done. I can be me. I can think for myself, know myself, and feel closer to whatever God is, more than I ever had because I found him within me, as "Christ" has even said we would and could. If that's not true at all... I suppose I'm really free then. I am a big girl, I know what's wrong and right, what brings pain or not and how to not put others through crap like I don't want to be. If I don't yet know things, there are people that do that don't need me to be in a certain group to tell me so. Those I can trust fully, not just because they have a label of "Christianity" that I don't believe in anyhow (at least not in the way all the denominations want you to believe it as), but by their actions of showing me truly, genuinely they have earned my trust and have loved me unconditionally unlike the people that claim to be loving but to my face, have lied, treated me poorly, some unknowingly and I've let slide. I'm not here to solve people's problems with their spirituality, but I am here to help with what I do know. However, you better take it all with a grain of salt, please. I think people have gotten themselves into trouble for not doing so. I don't mean to hurt anyone or feel better than any other person; I am here for answers just like anyone else. I am done. Though I think it's a waste to not do anything with it, so I'm wrapping it up at least.

Some may wonder why I went hard on JW; I'm tied to them by family. I had to. I went over others as well, but I didn't need as much info; hell, the Crusades are enough, the murder plotting and committing murder was enough, the altering of scripture to make doctrine dogmatic, politics of it all, constant corruption, child sex abuse, was enough to walk away with no more questions. This though, I had to prove and lay it out there because I was tied to it, and they have some truth to pull you in, which always makes me suspicious for the lies waiting to be fed. All the others were easy enough to see their fruits and understand they shouldn't have ever been followed no matter the beautiful quotes, books, or marks in history that celebrity Christians have made for themselves out of it. Even if one of their followers didn't agree with what their own religion/denomination did or did not do, yet stayed by gaslighting themselves, I can't and will not ever agree with. No... get out of "her", live your life, don't depend on others, and mind your own business and don't be a douche is the message I hear loud and clear from the Apostles, Jesus, the god of the bible himself even. Love your Maker with your whole heart and soul first and foremost, the Shema. That's all I need, and that's all their Bible says I need. That's all Jesus said I needed and even he added, the rest was not to put on us, or even additional laws. So, I'm done.

I was fine with where I was before I even started; now I just know too much and freak people out and isolate myself even more so. I'm done. I need comfort, I need connection. I deserve this after the life I had to live (where I used to not think so), and now I want to take the blessing I have been given, my restart with my beautiful family, and not take them for granted by spending all this useless time trying to figure out all the "why's" and "what ifs", "who" and "blah blah". Or try and prove I'm not a witch, or Satan worshipper (who has been literally made up as a scapegoat for Christianity, not even joking), or a demon, for people that love to hate, who are miserable and have judged me and condemned me by their awful beliefs, yet get away with hurting others and blaming it on being "imperfect" while saying they represent God. In fact, I believe the reality has been they've actually projected the truth of it all on to people like me.

If I've been vulnerable enough for those reading this to trust me even for a tiny bit, perhaps I'll be of help guiding them to go see my recommendations of the journey I went on for myself, even as unprofessional as it is and just plain raw but leading somewhere to answers. I truly, really, hope, to be of help. I don't need fame, I don't need an award for doing all this if it's amazing or not. A book to help people with all this would be cool, but I'm just a ghost ship in the night with some treasure, for the other travelers on the same current. To make money off of God (or any god) would make me a hypocrite to my beliefs.

Be well... don't be a douche, admire whoever created us and give thanks for this complicated system that was called "Good" while darkness existed yet was contained at one time, whether you believe you are living again or not, or hate this world or not, or work on yourselves or not. Don't let others take what is Good, from you.

Which I guess, the simple conclusion of my beliefs is, my God is literally what is good, and I think that's what the writings and teachings (of a lot of ancient lit) and Jesus was trying to tell us in a personified way. But humans because they just can't help it, group think, and the people who know Gods within us, but make themselves equal to him instead to dominate the rest of us, have made "believing", not easy. So here we are. There is freedom, when the chains release, the yoke falls off, when you realize, it's all bullshit and we've been warned by the same person these people claim to believe.

I did find this one woman that really helped me not lose hope, in just living. She helped me be okay with what I've found, and I'll drop her right here in case you need this as well because you're now feeling some sort of way.

Her YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@nononsensespirituality

Her Site: https://nononsensespirituality.com/

Rom 2:14-15

For when Gentiles who do not have the Law instinctively perform the requirements of the Law, these, though not having the Law, are a law to themselves, in that they show the work of the Law written in their hearts, their conscience testifying and their thoughts alternately accusing or else defending them,

1Cor 3:16-17

Do you not know that you yourselves are God’s temple, and that God’s Spirit dwells in you? If anyone destroys God’s temple, God will destroy him; for God’s temple is holy, and you are that temple.

Hebrew 5:14

But solid food is for the mature, who because of practice have their senses trained to distinguish between good and evil

I have nowhere to go and don't need to find somewhere, because I look within where it was already written where God sits as we are images of God, who have brains capable of knowing who to go to and who's trying to get me to go somewhere.

And the entirety of Rom 14, has me moving on.

Take care.